Anything_is_possibleI've often been asked to write my story, but have never been compelled to try to put it into words. Not because of the impossible task of finding the words to describe it (there simply are no words adequate) but because I've always known that each individual or group hearing the story was bringing their own set of questions to it. By that, I mean, a person can hear the story and he or she will have questions that arise at that moment. Perhaps something they've never thought to ask before. And in that moment, I receive for them the answer they are here to receive. It's not about the story of awareness or dying. It's about asking questions.

I became aware of myself as spirit when I was 7 years old. I went to Catholic school and attended mass 6 days a week. The idea of our soul rising up to the heavens when we die, was a big part of the lessons. My girlfriend and I would lie under the stars at night and have wonderful conversations. Sometimes we'd pretend a very dramatic death, most likely from the latest movie, and end it all with a plea to God to take our souls to heaven. We'd plop to the ground to die and have our souls pulled from our bodies, rising up to the night sky. It was great fun and we'd either lie there very quiet or burst into laughter. One night, as I was lying under the stars, imagining my soul being pulled from me, I felt my heart open like a flower. As the petals opened, layer by layer, I became aware of myself beyond the physical body. I was aware of who I am as spirit and one with everything around me. There was no separation, no attachment, no distinction of any kind. All I was aware of was love. Simple, pure love. As a child, I was fully aware of that kind of love. It felt perfectly natural to me but at the same time a little frightening.

As soon as I felt the fear, I was back in my little body, but like "I" was hiding way deep inside. I couldn't move, except for my eyes. I looked around and saw I was safe and immediately, it felt like my body was filling back up with my soul. I could move again and asked my girlfriend if she felt that. She had no idea what I was talking about. I wasn't really sure either but knew it was pretty extraordinary and felt wonderful. I did this many times after that night. Soon we weren't going outside due to the cold, and then we grew up and life interrupted. But I didn't have to lie under the stars anymore to feel my presense beyond the body. It had become part of my awareness of who I am.

I thought everyone had this awareness. Growing up, I sometimes didn't understand why people didn't see this in others...their light, spirit, divine essense. I didn't understand why they didn't understand we are one with everything around us and should treat everything as we want to be treated, with love and kindness. I didn't understand how they didn't feel the energies and feelings of the people around them or have a sense of what was happening between themselves and everything around them, how they effect everything. This made me feel like an oddball at times. I knew I was different but had no idea how or why. It wasn't until the past few years, I've become aware of how different my childhood was and how it effected my life. I am eternally grateful for the experience and the blessings it has given me.

The awareness has been as natural as breathing. We all have it but I was given the gift of experiencing it in an extraordinary way. I know how blessed I am to be given this gift and hope to help others experience it, to see themselves for who they truly are, divine spirit.

This was when I became aware of who I am as divine spirit. But the perspective I had was still from my physical self. This was going to change when I was 27 years old.

"When I tried to tell people what happened, after my experience, I didn't know how to describe it. Words failed me because there are no words to adequately express what I felt or saw. And yet, words are all we have, and so I stand before you trying to describe the indescribable. For how do you describe the purple of the mountains at dawn, the petals of a perfect rose or the smell of lavender?"

I've come to know that it's not the story that's important, it's the questions people ask when hearing it that is what truly matters. So, I hope that you will reach out and ask the questions. If not of me, than of yourself, others and the universe.

It was over 25 years ago, I was engaged to a wonderful man and had a beautiful little boy from my first marriage. Life was good and we were happy.

It was very late at night and I decided to take a shower. Just as I stepped into the water, I felt something on my leg and looked down. The bottom of the bathtub was bright red. I've always been squeamish about a lot of blood and this was a lot. I'm not sure if I screamed once or twice, but my fiance came running and caught me, just as my knees gave out and I literally fell into his arms.

He carried me into the bedroom and layed me on the bed. It's funny because I remember thinking, he layed me on the wrong side of the bed. I could tell by the look on his face that he was scared. I don't know much about medical things and never cared to know before this but he grew up with family in the medical field. So to see that look on his face scared me for a moment.

He went and got towels to put under me and told me it wasn't stopping. By this time, I was getting weak and wasn't much help. He called his sister, a nurse, to ask what to do. They talked for a few minutes and then she told him to call 911. He did. He made a few more calls to make arrangements, all the while keeping an eye on me.

First to arrive were a policeman and woman. She stayed with me, asking me questions and trying to keep me talking. After a while, I didn't want to talk and she would tap me on the face to get me to respond. After a while more, the taps were a little harder and I remember being annoyed that she kept doing that. I felt quite comfortable and peaceful.

And then, I thought - You know, this is not so bad. And just like that, I let go of this life.

I felt my vantage point rise up from the body that was lying on the bed, to above the house, looking down on the scene that was unfolding there. I lived on the first floor of a two story house. But the tree outside and the top story of the house were gone, like they'd been wiped away. I could see the entire apartment and all that was happening.

I saw myself lying on the bed, a large pool of blood around my hips and on the floor. I thought - Oh, that's going to stain. Funny. I saw the policewoman talking to me and my fiance on the phone on the other side of the bed. My fiance hung up the phone and turned to the policewoman and said he was going to get my son and take him to a friend's house just down the street. I remember thinking that was good.

I watched him walk down the hall to my son's room and gently wake him. He was only 3 at the time. He started to bundle him up and get him ready to go. I looked back at my body lying on the bed and the poor policewoman trying to get me to talk to her. I felt sorry for her and thought - You might as well give up, I'm not there. But she kept trying.

At this point, I was drawn to where I was...or should I say wasn't. I became aware that I wasn't anywhere in particular and yet I was everywhere at the same time. I could focus on one thing, like my apartment or I could be anywhere in the universe with a single thought. Then I realized I could also be in both places at the same time. And all of this was happening at the same time. Time, in fact, didn't exist anymore. I thought it was very interesting. I was fully aware that it did exist on Earth for the people who live there, in this lifetime. Time and space are what define us as human beings. Not define us as who we are, but how we exist on Earth, how it's possible.

The next thing I became aware of was the knowing of being one with everything. Beyond the physical, time or space existence, one with spirit, one with the universe, consciousness, higher being, whatever you want to call that knowing of something beyond this lifetime. This was different from the childhood experience because the perspective was anywhere I wanted to be, not the physical body.

During this revelation, I'm fully aware of what's happening in the apartment. My fiance was getting my son ready, the policewoman was still talking to me, trying to get me to answer. I smiled at her and noticed my body didn't smile. I felt compassion for her and thanked her for trying.

This was the point I became aware of the oneness with God. That is the highest name I know to call the source of the unconditional, pure love that I knew I had the honor to become aware. I knew instantly that's who I was also. I was experiencing God and knew I was God, an expression of God.

I saw my current lifetime up to this moment and saw it not only from my viewpoint but also from the viewpoint of each person and living thing I'd come in contact with along the way, simutaneously. And not only how they saw it but how they felt and how it effected their lives. I realized everything I was seeing was part of the oneness. And I knew without any doubt that I was part of the All. For everything I did and everything any one of us does, effects All.

I honestly cannot explain the feeling of oneness with God. The freedom of any attachment to anything but love. I know that sounds negative in a way, but it isn't. When love is the only thing that exists, all else can exist. For you have the freedom to express and experience whatever you choose. Whatever we choose. For this world is indeed co-created. This lifetime is yours to experience with all the beautiful souls who are here to do the same.

At the time, people weren't talking about near death or as I call them beyond-this-life experiences. When I did try to talk about it, people thought I was crazy. So I didn't. It wasn't until about 10 years ago, finding like-minded people, that while listening to fellow travelers of the journey of spiritual awareness, did I once again start to talk about my own experiences and awareness. I've had many, many amazing experiences over the years. It is wonderful to finally be able to share them and I hope you'll share your stories with me.

I love hearing your stories, questions and teachings. Every word is a step on our journey of life. I would be honored to have a conversation with you and share your path for a while.

Namaste

Teresa "TJ" Phillips

 

Please Note


Anything discussed will not replace medical, psychological, legal or any other type of service, advice or help for you. Always consult professionals for any decisions you make. This is very important! By purchasing a session, you agree to this disclaimer. Thank you.